Phone Numbers: Keep or Delete?
Earlier in my rookie days, when girls flaked, I used to just delete the numbers, from anger and frustration. It’s hard to say how I felt with each delete, but I could paraphrase Eminem:
Imma delete you.
You don’t wanna fuck with me?
Girl, you aint nothin but a flake to me.
Bitch imma delete you.
You, don’t wanna flake on Rookie,
Cause Rookie, will fuckin delete you.
Maybe that was a little extreme. And that’s what bothered me. With each flake and number deletion came the negative feelings. I wondered if this frustration was leaking in my game. It was pathetic.
Though it was impossible to tell, I was convinced it was negatively affecting some aspect of my game. And if so, it must be stamped out. So I figured I’d try leaving them there. Just not delete them. And it was not in the hope that they’d respond. Well, there was a little of that. But I wondered, if I just left them there, and avoided the negative thoughts, would I even care about that flake a couple of weeks down the road?
Sometimes I would delete the number, only for her to keep contacting me. Then I’d save it, get pissed off by something she did, and delete it again. It was a vicious cycle. I had to stop it. So I made a rule that I’d just keep all the numbers there.
In doing so, I realized that the simple act of deletion was contributing to negative thoughts and feelings. It was a physical act driven by emotion. But now it just doesn’t matter to me. I’m indifferent. I was deleting them for the wrong reasons. Now I feel I can delete them for better reasons: because someone else with that name is giving me her number, because I feel like it, etc.
Sometimes I’ll look through my phone and not remember who Lauren was, or Sarah, or any number of others. I think this is ideal. They flaked. So what? They are out of my mind. It would be work to actually delete them.
Now I’ve accepted that flakes are a part of the game. That doesn’t mean I know how to handle it. The real question is, did I stumble upon something or am I just delusional?
My best friend does this same thing. He’s got a pretty solid rotation but still gets his emotions caught up too deeply in girls he’s just been seeing for a few weeks. They do something weird, like send a dry text message, or dont get back to him for a couple hours, or have to reschedule a date, and he deletes their number. then re-adds it, then deletes it, then re-adds it.
It’s almost as if you’re push/pulling yourself, with yourself. Driving your emotions into overdrive for a girl who doesn’t deserve that yet. I haven’t seen it affect his game or success with this habit of his, but just his piece of mind. And all the constant questioning of “what the hell is wrong with girl a, b, c, and d.” Deleting their number in that instance is just a way to project distance onto the “relationship” that you’re really trying to put between you and your…well…whatever it is. Insecurity and fear i guess.
The benefit you get is just peace of mind. You’ll still question and wonder and think the girl isn’t worth the time because something just doesn’t just fall right into place on her end. But it won’t be as bad as the roller coaster you put your peace of mind on by erasing and re-adding some girls number. Or even just erasing them habitually at the slightest whatever.
It can see how it could leak. When you expect nothing to come from your interaction with the girl, you’re just waiting and hoping for the let down and silent rejection on the other end, and women can see that, FEEL that from you. But, i think the dynamics of DC are much much different than other places (I am in Dallas), so the way it may affect your game and presence might just be specific due to the women and air of DC.
You strike gold pretty often to me.
A lot of what you are saying makes sense. I never delete numbers. Flake or not. I can see how it would fuel the negative thoughts you are having about a flake. Best to not care.
Sometimes when I’m bored I like to send a little mocking text to a name I can’t remember very well. It provides some light entertainment.
I delete numbers all the time. Because what’s the point of keeping a phone book full of contacts you never speak to? Oh and if it’s number unknown calling me, I know not to pick up, cause it’s probably someone I deleted earlier.
EXACTLY!
ive never been one to delete numbers , for the exact reason you’ve mentioned: i simply don’t care enough to .
ive always felt like deleting a girl’s number out of anger or hurt rather than indifference was a feminine trait
“Sometimes I would delete the number, only for her to keep contacting me. Then I’d save it, get pissed off by something she did, and delete it again. It was a vicious cycle. I had to stop it. So I made a rule that I’d just keep all the numbers there.”
Lol, I’ve always done that shit.
But yeah, I am starting to care less….
I think the hotter the girl = the more I like her = the more likely I am to be emotionally affected and get pissed off and delete her number if she flakes or shit like that.
It’s something that needs to be worked on for sure….
You’re right on with this. Here’s another way keeping numbers in your phone can be beneficial. Leverage modern cell phone technology to occaisionally send out mass text messages to all the chicks not in your standard rotation. Something short and sweet like, “Happy hour?” Then sit back, wait for the responses, and pick and choose who you want to hang with. Even if a chick doesn’t want to hang out that night, you’ll often get offers/invites for other times, with the added benefit of staying on their radar with minimal contact/effort. I’ll be forever grateful to Paul Janka for this move.
Meh I see lots of guys points, but whats the point of keeping a number i don’t talk too?
If some chick flaked on me or disrespected me, why would I keep her in my phone?
In my experiencing 96% of those chicks never text/call you anyway so it is what it is
I can understand the negative association with the act and trust me Rook I feel like you do all the time especially when I was “drawing” with the chick(drawing meaning fantasying some Hollywood bullshit of me and her walking through the park then pounding her after-wards etc).
Hence I like to wait a few days or even weeks sometimes before I delete, I have an abundance mindset I know for a fact I’ll always meet more women, it might not be right now, it might not be tomorrow but I know eventually I’ll meet another one, this is why “Spin plate theory” in my opinion is the greatest theory, to me it isn’t a theory it’s a reality.
Knowing that you have options(it’s a powerful thing)!
P.S. @ THE SPECIMEN I gotta Field test that Paul Janka move
I don’t delete numbers just like that. Only if my contact book is getting clogged with too many girls named “Sarah” or something. Besides, I’ve had previous flakes whom I’ve ignored come good later on…
I completely agree with you that flakes are part of the game, and I have experienced just about exactly what you’ve experienced with phone number deletion, but try to understand it from a slightly different perspective.
When most men get into reading about pickup, it’s to get their dating lives under control. But they go overboard with the “control” and instead become mostly control freaks – they were the ones who earlier in their lives were getting their hearts broken and now they want to reverse that trend. The heartbroken become the heartbreakers! But, especially early on, a flake almost skyrockets you back to your old world. “How dare she flake on me”, people think, “I’m so damn awesome and such a sweet ass PUA”.
So yeah, improve your life, get better, get girls, but stop looking for complete and total control, because you will never get it (noone will). As much as we like to say that there is such a thing as “Dating science”, we know that it’s simply not true.
I don’t get it. What’s the point of deleting numbers in the first place, who cares? What does it matter to you if one extra contact out of the thousands your phone can likely hold is taken up? All you’re doing is going out of your way to admit to yourself that she got to you.
Plus, I always name the girls in my phone. You will easily forget who “Sarah” is two months down the line, and chances are you’ll meet another Sarah sometime soon. It is far less likely that you will forget and/or have a duplicate of “Katie Asian San Diego” or “Kathy Blonde Irish Pub.”
In fact, I once had a girl flake on me and I didn’t talk to her afterwards for months, but when I heard this band I like was coming to town I immediately remembered that girl said she knew one of the dudes in the band. I called her up out of the blue, she got me free tickets to the show, and I ended up hittin it. Never could’ve happened if I deleted “Liz TX Ghostland”
great post yo!
The only numbers I delete are my long term ex-girlfriends. I won’t forget those numbers anyway so theres no reason to keep them in my phone and remind me.. I also don’t wanna be mass texting these girls.
I actually just put old girls into separate categories in my phone so I can separate the old from the new.. gotta love when you have 5 sarahs in your phone and its like.. what? which one is it.. lol
When I look at the number of contacts in a certain category (say.. bar meetups January) it motivates me because im like.. well I talked to all these bitches.. put in my hours
I like the “bar meetups in January” category idea. I might steal that one bro!
WHEN YOU GUYS MASS TEXT THESE BROADS LATRER, WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU SAY THEM? HOW LONG DO YOU WAIT UNTIL YOU MASS TEXT THEM?
I haven’t sent a mass text for quite a while, but there were numbers in there over a year old and numbers a few days fresh. The Mass SMS is the equivalent to mass approaches; designed to increase your odds.
Thursday night-Friday morning:
What u saying friday/tonight?
Who is this?
I don’t know who is THIS?
Felicia/Ally/Jules/Andi/Lindsay etc etc.
*insert slight text banter here if she seems receptive*
Cool, we met at blah blah blah (make a place up, the fuck cares?), lets grab drinks at blah blah blah, friday 9ish
Sure!/No/More questions
Sure can be placed on the docket, no means no, more questions…that’s when I say fuck it and ignore their inquiries. We’re men, our time is important to us.
If you send a mass text to 20 girls, he odds of a meetup are pretty favorable, even if she doesn’t remember when and where she met you. The usual texting rules apply; keep it brief (sloppy puncutation, not like I did in this post), try and at least remember who the girl is even a little, never shoot a text right back right away etc.
I give a girl a few chances before I delete. Hit her up once, two weeks or so later if she flakes, a month later if she flaked then and a month following if she flaked then.
*insert slight text banter here if she seems receptive*
Cool, we met at blah blah blah (make a place up, the fuck cares?), lets grab drinks at blah blah blah, friday 9ish
(I put these in the worng order)
Rookie it’s funny sometimes I feel that you are thinking/feeling the exact same shit, when it comes to this game stuff. I’ve dealt with and thought about this phone number deleting thing a lot, and feel where you’re coming from. Just reading this post and comments I’ve had an idea, how about for every new number you get (before you call them), delete an old number that you know won’t lead to anything. That way you’re “even Steven”, you feel good about the new digits, but you don’t feel as much like a failure when you delete an old one.
Keep them all, then ocasionally send the same generic message to every girl